The trouble is, not many of these people seem able to fit "a second job" into their time schedules.

It’s true that most people are busy, but extra time for some sort of home-based extra income producing project can almost always be found.

It may mean giving up or changing a few of your favorite pastimes such as having a couple of beers with the guys or watching TV, but if you score big with your extra income project, you will have all the time you want for doing whatever you what to do.

Efficient time management boils down to planning what you’re going to do, and then doing it without backtracking.

• Start by making a list of the things you want to do tomorrow, each evening before you go to bed.

• Schedule your trips to the store or wherever to coincide with the other things you have to do, and with your trips to or from work.

• Organize your trips to take care of as many things as possible while you’re out of the house.

• Take stock of the time you spend on the telephone and eliminate all that isn’t necessary.

Whatever chores you have to do at home, set aside a specific time to do them, and a specific amount of time to devote to them.

For instances, just one hour a day devoted to yard work would probably make your property the envy of all your neighbors.

Don’t try to do a week’s work in one big flurry.

Whether it’s painting your house, fixing leaky faucets, or mowing your lawn and trimming your shrubs, do a part of it, or one particular job each day, and you’ll be amazed at your progress.

Take care of all your mail the day, you receive it. Don’t let those bills and letters pile up on you. If you’re unable to pay a bill immediately, file it in a special place that’s visible, and note on the envelope the date you intend to pay it. Answer your letters the same day you get them.

Once you start listing and planning what to do, and then carry out your plans, you’ll find plenty of "extra time" for handling virtually any kind of home-based income producing project.

People in general may not like routines or schedules, but without some sort of plan as to what is supposed to be done, the world would be mired in mass confusion.

Laws, ordinances and regulations are for the purpose of guiding people. We live according to an accepted plan or way of life, and the better we can organize ourselves, the more productive and happy we become.

The secret of all financially successful people is simply that they are organized and do not waste time. Think about it.

• Review your own activities, and then see if you can’t find a couple of extra hours in each day for more constructive accomplishments.

• When you begin planning, and then when you really become involved in an extra income producing endeavor, you should work it exactly as you have organized your regular day-to-day activities on a time basis.

• Do what has to be done immediately.

• Don’t try to get done in a hour something that’s realistically going to take a week.

• Plan out on paper what you have to do and what you want to do and when you are going to do it. Then get right on each project without procrastination.

• Finally, and above all else, when you’re organizing your time and your business, be sure to set aside some time for relaxation.

Be sure to schedule time when you and your spouse can be together.

You must not involve yourself to an extent that you exclude other people particularly your loved ones from your life.

Taking stock of the time you waste each day, and from there, reorganizing your activities is what it’s all about. It’s a matter of becoming more efficient in the use of your time. It’s really easy to do, and you will not only accomplish a lot more, you will also find greater fulfillment in your life.

Even if both parties have “seen it coming” for some time, and the announcement really comes as no big surprise, the actual announcement is quite similar to a bomb exploding in your face.

Such an announcement is “out-in-the-open” admission that the person you held hands with so many years ago, and promised to love – honor – and obey – to be supportive of, to stand beside in good times and bad -through sickness and health – for richer or poorer – no longer wants you or your love.

You have been rejected, and such a blow to a man’s emotional equilibrium is just about the most damaging illness you’ll ever have to face in your lifetime.

Be that as it may, it is of the utmost importance that when such a pain descends upon you, you realize that you can recover – that you will recover – and that this is in reality, an opportunity for you to attain real and total happiness according to your own standards.

It will be hard, in fact, it will probably be just about the most difficult thing you’ve ever done in your life, but you must immediately and absolutely turn the page on that chapter of your life. You must quickly and absolutely sever all ties with that person – the one that has inflicted this pain upon you.

• Get them out of your house
• Get rid of all things that remind you of them
• Change your phone number
• If necessary, move into a new home or apartment
• You must put an immediate end to your marriage.

Once a woman has announced to you that she no longer wants you for a husband, you have to start thinking about your own survival.

It’s going to be similar to losing a vital part of your body, but you must let go, and the sooner you do let go – completely end that chapter of your life – the sooner you’ll be able to set about rebuilding your life and ultimately finding the happiness you want.

Between the time that your wife announces the end of the marriage, and the time when you’ll find new happiness, you’re going to hurt like you’ve never dreamed possible.

You’re going to go through a number of mental and emotional phases – all of which are perfectly normal and necessary in order for you to “heal yourself” of this great hurt.

You’ll never be able to enjoy love or attain true happiness until you have discharged the past from your system, and healed yourself.

Think of all you’re going through as a wound similar to a gash on your arm or leg. It’s going to hurt, and you’re going to bleed, but with the proper care and time, you will recover.

You must understand that divorce is quite common – you’re not alone nor going through anything that a lot of other people haven’t experienced – and that in order to “get well,” you must understand the nature of the wound, what to do in order to heal it, and as much about the pre-requisites to total recovery as possible.

At first, you’ll probably deny that this is happening to you.

You may pretend that it’s just a bad dream or some sort of bad joke she’s pulling on you. This type of thinking is normal, but it only prolongs the agony of your hurt.

You must face the reality of the situation – accept the fact that your marriage is over – and get on with the task of finding happiness for yourself, immediately.

You’ll probably lay awake in bed at night and review “every minute” of your marriage – thinking that in this or that circumstance, you could’ve been a better husband, and from there beg for another chance.

You’ll want to accept full responsibility – at least a big share of the guilt – for the problems that caused the break-up of your marriage.

These thoughts are only natural, but they cannot put your marriage back together, and any attempts to “try one more time,” at this stage will only cause you greater pain.

• You must accept the fact that your marriage is over, and busy your mind and yourself, with activities that don’t allow you time to “rehash” the events of the past.

• Don’t allow yourself to dwell upon guilt feelings. It takes two people to make a marriage, and marriages come apart because of the differences in the two people involved.

No one is perfect, and happiness in life is a matter of learning from our mistakes. Accept your own short-comings; vow that you will profit from what you’ve experienced; and then get on with your life.

You’ll never be comfortable with yourself, nor find real happiness so long as you’re dragging “guilt feelings from your past around with you.

Somewhere along the way, you’ll become so angry with your ex-wife – the world – and even God, that you’ll be beyond yourself in your ability to express it all.

It will be necessary that you express this anger – to get it all out of your system – before you’ll be able to "feel good" around women again.

Anger is the process of projecting onto another person, your own sense of hurt and frustration. It’s such a volatile and all-consuming emotion that unless you give it an outlet, it will literally eat you alive.

The thing to do is to understand your anger, and manage it in a manner that will benefit you – in such a way that your expression of it is constructive to your regaining your emotional health.

A few things you might think about doing :

• Write out for your kids, the complete story of your marriage, how you met, your dreams and hopes, the good and the bad, the sacrifices each of you made, and how -beyond either of your capabilities to control – the marriage just came to an end…

• Write out in precise detail what is making you angry, and why. Put it in letter form to your ex-wife and really tell her everything that has been, and is bothering you…

• Let her know that you are a person with wants and needs too…

• Stand in front of a mirror and “rehearse” an angry confrontation with your ex-wife and/or anyone else involved.

• Make an appointment with your priest or minister; or find a friend who’ll listen as you explain the frustration, hurt and futility you feel.

• Regardless of how you do it, it is an absolute necessity that you let it all out. This anger and bitterness you feel is like a poison that you must cleanse from your soul. The sooner you get rid of it, the sooner you’ll be able to get on with your life – regain your mental health and position yourself for happiness.

• Finally, there’ll come a day when you’ll no longer be bothered by thoughts of your ex-wife. It won’t even bother you when you see her with another man, and that’ll be the day when you’ve finally accepted the fact that you marriage to her is really over. You will have truly let go of her, and will be ready for a new try at real happiness.

Your progress from being rejected by your wife, to acceptance of the fact that you don’t want her if she doesn’t want you, and positioning yourself for a second chance, won’t come easily.

In fact, it will take you about two and a half to three years.

You must understand the damage you’ve sustained, the healing that’s required, and the time it’s going to take to get well.

Too often, men still in the recovery stages of a divorce, jump into a new marriage before they’re ready.

And when the “bomb explodes” the second time, the trauma is more painful and the recovery even harder than the first time.

It’s imperative that you “cut yourself off” from you wife as quickly as possible.

It’s just as imperative that you immediately set about analyzing what it is you want out of life, what you need to do in order to get what it is you want, and then take the necessary steps towards achieving whatever it is you want.

First, you have to KNOW what it is you want.

Then, you have to know what you HAVE TO DO in order to get what it is you want.

And finally, you have to START MOVING in the necessary direction to end up with what you want. In other words, if you don’t know what you want, nor how to get it, you’ll be without purpose or direction in life.

This is ”goal-setting,” and unless you set goals for yourself, you’ll just be allowing yourself to be pushed through life by whatever happens next.

Use this “terrible time in your life” as a time for introspection and a new start. think about yourself, and start taking the “baby-steps” necessary to making you proud of yourself.

Stop mourning the loss of your marriage; pick yourself up, and determine within yourself that you’re on your way to bigger and better things – total happiness and love!

Rebuilding your self-esteem – your ego and how good you feel about yourself – is one of the first steps you must take. There are many ways to move in this direction…

You might buy a new suit; paint the inside of your home; take a trip to someplace you’ve always wanted to visit; go to see a special movie or any number of other things.

The important thing is that you do something that makes you feel good.

From there, comes the introspection of where you are, and what you’re going to have to do in order to survive. Plan it all out on paper, and then do what you have to do in order to make it come out as you’ve planned.

Most important - don’t be afraid of making mistakes or of “falling down” once or twice along the way. It’s just as if you were eighteen year old again, and just beginning a life on your own.

It’s like when a baby learns to walk – he’s going to stumble or fall a couple of times, but by continuing to try, he eventually not only walks but finds he can run as well. So it is in rebuilding your life after a divorce.

It’ll be hard, but the sooner you start dating, the easier it’ll be for you to regain your emotional well being.

At first, even though you have to force yourself, you should just go out and associate with other people. See for yourself that other people don’t “immediately recognize you” as a divorced man – a loser, or a failure.

In the course of recovering from a painful divorce, it’s not unusual for a man to go through a number of brief sexual affairs.

With some, there’s a flurry of sexual activity – followed by periods of celibacy – and maybe a “special steady” for awhile. This kind of activity is really sometimes necessary, and definitely a part of the healing process as some men rebuild their self-esteem.

Almost all people who have gone through a divorce, go through at least one transitional partner during their healing process.

This is a person that seems to be the answer to all your dreams – they’re the “special girlfriends” that ease a divorced man through the trauma – they’re good for them; they listen to them; they’re sensitive to their needs but never demanding; and they fulfill their sexual hunger.

It’s great to “find and use” such a transitional partner, but be aware of your own situation and their usefulness to you, and don’t allow yourself to end up marrying them.

You may care about them a great deal, and feel sure that they’re the answer to all your dreams – that they have all the love you could ever ask for – but don’t marry them – what you’re feeling is only the peace of an oasis in the middle of a desert. And don’t feel badly when eventually you break off such a relationship.

Some people are born to nurture others back to good health, and seeing you on your feet again, and on your way to real happiness is the only reward these people really want.

Then too, who’s to say that you won’t someday be a transitional partner for someone who’s hurting just as you once did…

Finally, there’s the problems of boredom and loneliness.

In order to eliminate boredom and loneliness from your life, you must first understand that both of these problems are self-induced. That is, if you are bored or lonely, it’s because you are allowing yourself to be…

Boredom is generally a form of emotional anethesia brought about by the person who is bored, because he doesn’t want to experience his own feelings.

It’s also a form of mental laziness which keeps people from changing and growing.

The bottom line is simply that people are accountable for their own boredom, and – if you feel bored, then you had better remember that boredom breeds even more boredom.

Whenever you think of yourself as being bored, get involved in something ;

• Don’t allow yourself to sit and do nothing
• Write letters to relatives or friends
• Clean your garage or visit a neighbor
• Get out and spruce up your yard or take a drive and see what changes have taken place in and around the area in which you live
• Join up with a Singles social club and attend some of their functions; enroll in a self-improvement course or two; visit a trade show and find out about some of the new products being offered for sale.

To alleviate boredom, you have to do something that might stimulate your interest.

Thus, if you don’t want to do anything other than what you’ve been doing – if you’re waiting for a bolt of lightning to spark your interest in something – you’ll continue to be bored.

Loneliness is basically a different form of boredom. A person feels lonely when they can’t think of anything they want to do, and thus, they begin feeling sorry for themselves because no one cares about them.

In order not to be lonely, you have to start thinking of things you might enjoy doing with other people, and then invite other people to join you in doing those kinds of things.

Really, it’s just as simple as that – take a trip to one of your shopping malls with a friend and do some window-shopping; meet a friend for lunch or dinner at a new restaurant; or invite a friend to join you to see a move, a play, or even a concert.

So long as you shut yourself away from other people, and do not get out into the world amongst people, you will be lonely.

To be happy, enjoy life, and know love, you have to make yourself available to other people.

To recover from the trauma of divorce, you have to understand the injury – apply the proper medicine – allow enough time for the healing process to be completed – and all the while, be positive that tomorrow will be a happier day for you.

It’s a kind of recovery therapy that only you can apply and control – the results are up to you.

You just called the TV repair shop and the voice on the other end of the line tells you “this is Don Smith”. About 5 minutes later you tell your wife that “this guy” will be out to fix the TV in the morning. You can’t think of his name although you know he mentioned it on the phone.

This happens all the time to just about any of us unless we have learned to concentrate and implant the name in our memory right at the time we hear it. To do this you first must make a habit of repeating the name back to the person. This action will remind you to store the name in your “Memory banks” each time you hear someone’s name, and, within a matter of a short time the “repeating” process can be discontinued.

When you meet someone in person use the same procedure, and in addition, visualize something different, unusual from the ordinary, or “ridiculous” about their appearance, position, or actions that “ties in” with their name. You may have to put the descriptive information on one side of a card or piece of paper and the name on the other side for a while until it is imbedded in your memory permanently. Look at it repeatedly, see the “picture” in your mind’s eye as you look at the name, or when you see the name visualize the “picture” you have assigned to the name.

Getting this system to work will require certain changes in your thinking and it may take several days or several weeks to become proficient. After all, you have developed a “bad Habit” over a period of many years and it is difficult to turn it around overnight.

This method also works with anything else work remembering, not just names. When you have occasion to remember something, jot it down and incorporate it into your list . . . No complicated formula . . . Just a system that works with a little concentration.

B. How to Remember Anything!

As mentioned above a person may train their memory by associating names with specific illustrations. This works just as well with written information.

There are several key words or a key thought in each paragraph of printed matter that can be associated with an illogical or ridiculous illustration. It is much easier to remember and recall ridiculous associations than it is to recall normal and uneventful relationships.

As you proceed through any text choose one or several Key words or key thoughts from each subject and relate the same to a ridiculous cartoon or illustration. Actually “see” it in your minds eye as it relates to the key word or key thought.

When you have occasion to remember a particular matter, the “picture” should automatically appear to you and the entire thought should be recalled. Be sure to SEE the ridiculous picture associated with the printed matter you wish to recall.

As you proceed through a book, practice seeing a picture and relate it to the key words or the main thought of the written material. This method of learning should improve your ability to retain what you read. With sufficient “practice” using this method, many individuals will be able to develop a “photo-Type” memory.

The Key to this memory system is to “see” the “picture” in your “mind’s eye”.

After you have practiced and mastered the system and are able to get instant flashback recall you should be able to read most any text material and visualize ridiculous pictures to associate with the thoughts expressed in the printed materials.

We suggest you prove this system to yourself. As you read the first several pages of information, “see” a picture related to the words or thought. It may be rather difficult to “see” at first but by constant effort and concentration amazing progress can be made.

When you have seen the picture, just go on reading the following subject matter and repeat the process. Don’t be concerned that you will forget the prior subjects! They should remain imprinted on your mind and recalled later, instantaneously and clearly.

After you have read several pages, recall the first few “mind-pictures“. If you originally “saw” the picture as related to the key thought of the printed material, you should remember the basic information.

Try it! It’s interesting! After you have mastered this learning system, it should be easy to file various programs away in your memory and recall them as needed to progress in your search for success.

C. Memory And Public Speaking Tips

The same system mentioned on the previous page may be used to memorize a speech by linking a series of thoughts to a series of ridiculous pictures in sequence.

Proper preparation of your speech is half the battle. Know you subject thoroughly then make an outline for the introduction, main body and conclusion. Start your speech with something to startle your audience into complete attention such as a weird statement or funny happening.

In presenting the main body of your speech get the confidence of your audience by letting them know you know your subject very well. Get your points across without argument.

In making your conclusion you can briefly sum up what you have just stated then end with a big bang; recommending action your audience should take or suggesting they change their viewpoint on the subject etc.; finalize with a joke that fits the circumstances, or powerful word pictures they will remember after they leave the meeting.

Make your outline in large print with plenty of space between lines so you will be able to look up without losing your place on the sheets. Rely on your memory for the most important points, including the opening and closing lines.

Practice your speech with a tape recorder and in front of a mirror before the meeting. Work out any apparent speaking problems or things that don’t sound just right.

Know what you are going to do with your hands and determine the better body movements to go with your personality. Continually make eye contact back and forth across the room.

Take time to think before answering questions.

If you don’t have the answer, ask another question, refer it to someone else better qualified to answer, answer in general terms, or change the subject (like politicians do) complimenting the person asking the "impossible" question, or by telling a "clean" joke.

A Special Report by Patricia Fripp, CSP, CPAE

Whenever you open your mouth, whether your audience is one person or a thousand, you want to get a specific message across. Maybe you want your opinions heard at meetings, or perhaps you are giving a formal presentation, internally or externally. Possibly your sales team needs to improve its customer communication, or you’re in a position to help your CEO design an important speech.

Anyone who sets out to present, persuade, and propel with the spoken word faces 10 major pitfalls.

1. UNCLEAR THINKING
   If you can’t describe what you are talking about in one sentence, you may be guilty of fuzzy focus or trying to cover too many topics. Your listeners will probably be confused too, and their attention will soon wander. Whether you are improving your own skills or helping someone else to create a presentation, the biggest (and most difficult) challenge is to start with a one-sentence premise or objective.

2. NO CLEAR STRUCTURE
   Make it easy for your audience to follow what you are saying. They’ll remember it better—and you will too as you deliver your information and ideas. If you waffle, ramble, or never get to the point, your listeners will tune you out. Start with a strong opening related to your premise; state your premise; ist the rationales or “Points of Wisdom” that support your premise, supporting each with examples: stories, statistics, metaphors, and case histories. Review what you’ve covered, take questions if appropriate, and then use a strong close.

3. NO MEMORABLE STORIES
   People rarely remember your exact words. Instead, they remember the mental images that your words inspire. Support your key points with vivid, relevant stories. Help your listeners “make the movie” in their heads by using memorable characters, engaging situations, dialogue, suspense, drama, and humor. In fact, if you can open with a highly visual image, dramatic or amusing (but not a joke!) that supports your premise, you’ve got them hooked. Then tie your closing back to your opening scene. They’ll never forget it

4. NO EMOTIONAL CONNECTION
   The most powerful communication combines both intellectual and emotional connections. Intellectual means appealing to educated selfinterest with data and reasoned arguments. Emotional comes from engaging the listeners’ imaginations, involving them in your illustrative stories by frequently using the word “you” and by answering their unspoken question, “What’s in this for me?” Use what I call a “high I/You ratio.” For example: Not, “I’m going to talk to you about telecommunications,” but “You’re going to learn the latest trends in telecommunications.” Not, “I want to tell you about Bobby Lewis,” but “Come with me to Oklahoma City. Let me introduce you to my friend, proud father Bobby Lewis.” You’ve pulled the listener into the story.

5. WRONG LEVEL OF ABSTRACTION
   Are you providing the big picture and overview when your listeners are hungry for details, facts, and specific how-to’s? Or are you drowning them in data when they need to position themselves with an overview and find out why they should care? Get on the same wave length with your listeners. My friend Dr. David Palmer, a Silicon Valley negotiations expert, refers to “fat” and “skinny” words and phrases. Fat words describe the big picture, goals, ideals, outcomes. Skinny words are minute details and specific who, what, when, and how. In general, senior management needs fat words. Middle management requires medium words. Technical staff and consumer hot line users are hungry for skinny words. Feed them all according to their appetites.

6. NO PAUSES
   Good music and good communication both contain changes of pace, pauses, and full rests. This is when listeners think about what has just been said. If you rush on at full speed to crowd in as much information as possible, chances are you’ve left your listeners back at the station. It’s okay to talk quickly, but pause whenever you say something profound or proactive or you ask a rhetorical question. This gives the audience a chance to think about what you’ve said and to internalize it.

7. IRRITATING NON-WORDS
   Hmm—ah—er—you know what I mean—. One speaker I heard began each new thought with “Now!” as he scanned his notes to figure out what came next. This might be okay occasionally, but not every 30 seconds. Tape record yourself to check for similar bad verbal habits. Then keep taping yourself redelivering the same material until such audienceaggravators have vanished. You could also give your friends permission to point out when you are using these filler words.

8. STEPPING ON YOUR PUNCH WORDS
   The most important word in a sentence is the punch-word. Usually, it’s the final word: “Take my wife—PLEASE.” But if you drop your voice and then add, “Right?” or “See?!” you’ve killed the impact of your message. (To discover if you do this, use the tape-recording test described above.) Don’t sabotage your best shots.

9. NOT HAVING A STRONG OPENING AND CLOSING.
   Engage your audience immediately with a powerful, relevant opening with a high I/You factor. It can be dramatic, thought-provoking, or even amusing, but never, never open with a joke! Get your listeners hooked immediately with a taste of what is to follow. And never close by asking for questions. Yes, take questions if appropriate, but then go on to deliver your dynamic closing, preferably one that ties back into your opening theme. Last words linger. As with a great musical, you want your audience walking out afterwards humming the tunes.

10. MISUSING TECHNOLOGY
    Without a doubt, audio/visual has added showbiz impact to business and professional speakers’ presentations. However, just because it is available, doesn’t mean we have to use it! Timid speakers who simply narrate flip chart images, slides, videos, overheads, or view-graphs can rarely be passionate and effective. Any visual aid takes the attention away from you.

    Even the best PowerPoint® images will not connect you emotionally. Use strong stories instead if at all possible. Never repeat what is on the visuals. If you do, one of you is redundant. Make technology a support to your message, not a crutch. The trap is that information presented through technology tends to be about the speaker and the speaker’s organization, while communication should be about the AUDIENCE.

    As part of one of my sales training seminars, a salesman was on stage, role playing with me in preparation for a presentation he was about to give that could be worth $20 million to his company. When I asked him about his PowerPoint®, he admitted he had 60 slides — 58 about his company and only 2 about the prospect. After the training, I heard that they reversed the ratio for this and all future presentations, based on my advice.

    When you can avoid these 10 common pitfalls, you’re free to focus on your message and your audience, making you a more dynamic, powerful, and persuasive communicator.

    I hope you enjoyed my special report. What you have read is just a small part of the advice I give in my work coaching individuals and teams.

    If you believe you are falling into any of the “Fripp’s 10 Biggest Traps” in your presentations, you may be in the situation where you qualify to be one of the handful of new clients I will work with in the next six months.

    But I’ve found through experience that there’s only one way to be sure. And that’s to have a short conversation on the phone.

    In our conversation, I would ask you to tell me about your speaking and presenting goals and experience, so I can assess whether this training is appropriate for you or your company.

    The initial conversation is no charge.

    Just like you, my time is limited, but I would enjoy discovering if my advice can help you accomplish your goals and have the impact it has for my clients.

    To find out about my availability for a no-charge, no-obligation conversation, please call my office tollfree at (800)634-3035 or send me a short email at PFripp@Fripp.com.

    Thank you…

    I’m looking forward to speaking with you.

    Sincerely,

    Contact Patricia and discover how you can accomplish your sales goals:
    http://www.fripp.com/salestraininginfo.html

Patricia Fripp, CSP, CPAE

Keynote Speaker, Sales Trainer, Speech Coach 527 Hugo Street, San Francisco, CA 94122 (800)634-3035, (415)753-6556

Fax (415)753-0914 E-mail: PFripp@Fripp.com, Web Address: http://www.fripp.com

Relationships, like living things, either evolve or stagnate. For over thirty years I have been assisting my clients and my readers in growing their relationships, as well as growing my own.

(I have been married to the same partner since 1960 and in business with him since 1972.) As a relationship coach, marriage counselor, therapist, teacher, and author, I know that people have many misconceptions about how relationships really work. These tips are many of the things I find myself saying over and over
again to the clients I work with. I hope you, too, use them to help your relationship evolve.

Every relationship deserves a chance to grow and enhance the happiness and satisfaction of the partners who are creating it.

I’m so glad you have this booklet. I love writing new articles to help people enhance their relationships.

About Relationships

1. Expect the closeness and distance you experience with your partner to vary from hour to hour, day to day, and season to season. People experience enough closeness much as they experience enough food—any more leads to discomfort. We all have different capacities.
2. Learn from your experience. Notice what works, and what usually receives a negative reaction from your partner. Do what works and stop doing what does not work Communication
3. Ask your partner for what you want. Contrary to popular belief, your partner cannot and should not read your mind. Asking increases the odds of getting what you want. Be specific.
4. Keep agreements you make with your partner. Keeping agreements builds trust, which is the basis of almost everything important.
5. Difficult Communication. Speak in sentences or, at most, paragraphs instead of pages during a difficult conversation. Your partner will only remember the last sentence or two you say and forget the beginning of a long speech.
6. Admit your mistakes even if you don’t like the way your partner confronts you about them. It is tempting to defend yourself by attacking your partner, but if you do, you both lose in the long run.
7. Play, Laugh together. Share the jokes or cartoons that make you grin, rent a funny video or remember the stories about funny (especially in retrospect) things you have experienced together.
8. Challenge your partner to resolve a problem with a squirt bottle duel at ten paces. If the situation is really serious, try aerosol whipped cream (at three paces) instead.
9. Tasks. Hire someone to do the chores you both hate or do them together. Start by looking at the things that never seem to get done, probably because neither of you wants to do them.
10. Occasionally do a task that your partner does not expect you to do. Let your partner be pleasantly surprised that s/he does not need to prepare dinner or mow the lawn.
11. Boundaries. Name the movie you would like to see, or the restaurant you like best, before you
    ask your partner’s preference. That way you avoid being angry because your partner did not read your mind.
12. Forgo retaliation. If you think your partner is preoccupied and ignoring you, look at the ways you are ignoring your partner and change your own behavior. This works for any behavior you don’t like.
13. Money. Create shared financial goals. Be sure you discuss and agree on priorities. If one of you thinks your savings are for a great vacation, and the other expects to use them to invest for financial independence, you are headed for trouble.
14. Spend less money than you make. Use the extra to build a reserve. Relieving money related stress gives you energy for the things that really matter.
15. Special Occasions. Create your own holiday traditions. You come from different families with different traditions. Choose what is most meaningful from each and combine them into something that will satisfy both of you.
16. Listen for hints about what gifts your partner would love to receive. Pay attention to what excites or delights your partner, and use that information when you shop.
17. Separateness. Encourage your partner to find ways do things s/he loves, even if you don’t share the same interest. You do not have to do those things if they are uncomfortable for you. There is no rule that says you must do everything together.
18. Download this free ebook for more detail here.

Source : http://www.yourgreatrelationships.com

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